Guest Hjarnar Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 Hello everyone. I am at the biggest dillema in my life right now. the thing is that since i was 5 to 15 years old I always told people that I wanted to become a soldier, I kept to that thought untill my sister (whom I respected a lot) told me that it was a childish dream, like becoming a rockstar. I never let go of the dream, but started telling people that I dropped it. After a few years, I got a girlfriend, and we are having the time of our lives, planning the future and simply loving eachother. She told me one day, that she was against the military, because of the slaughter of civilians, I told her that I had no interest in going into the army, hoping that what I said wouldn't become a problem later on. One day I got a letter from the Danish military, asking me to come for a check-up at Forsvarets Dag (Day of the army). I had to go if I didn't want to get sent to jail, so on my 19th birthday I was sent to one of the bases in Denmark to get checked and pull a number. I was in good shape and I pulled a number that didn't say that I had to join, but something inside me woke up that day, something that had been slumbering inside me for years. I volunteered for the 4 months of basic training. When I got back to my girlfriend, I told her. As one can immagine, she was upset that I supported the Danish military. I told her that I wasn't going to be sent out to Afghanistan or Iraq, and that I'd stay here in Denmark with her, but get ripped in thosse 4 months, that settled her down a lot. After a long time we talked about the subject again, and I ended up telling her that being in the military had been my dream since I was 5 years old. She felt so bad for "controlling my choices in life", that she gave me full support for the basic training. She told me one thing though: "If you dicide to become a professional soldier, I'll leave you.". TLDR: So here's the dillema: I want to become professional, but I also want to be with my girlfriend whom I've been with for so long. It's like wanting to pour water on a flame and hope that it's still burning afterwards. Please help, how do I tell her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Oui230 Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 Have you explained to her that it's actually quite rare for soldiers to kill civilians, and the only time this happens is when something is quite wrong with that soldier. She will have to trust in you and what morals you have towards killing people. I know I would never shoot someone unless they were either shooting at me or my battle buddies. All I can say is try to explain to her that is not how you are and hope she takes it well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest xprowlerx Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 Well man none of us can really take that decision for you...but there are some things you need to realise: 1) Your job and career is what you will be doing for the rest of your life...if you wake up every morning to go to a job that you don't like it will sooner or later have a negative feedback on your relationship no matter how good you are getting along right now 2) All relationships start as a big firework but eventually they turn into a ''habbit'' when the excitement is depleted (the excitment WILL go but you will still have to wake up and go to your job) 3) I feel from an outside point of you that it is more unfair to you if she is putting this dilemma... 4) I feel it's more unfair if the reason she doesn't want you to join the military is an ideology that say armies are bad cause they kill people <-- it s not that joining will really affect her lifestyle in any way 5) If somebody cares about someone else he/she should be in a position to understand what makes their partner happy and respect and support any decision especially if that decision doesn't have a real effect on him/her (it's not like she will have to live in iraq cause you joined the army right?) follow your dream...if she wants to leave you you will be down for a short amount of time but you WILL bounce back...lots of girls out there... if you do something else that you don't really enjoy you will end up leaving her eventually.. if she stays then you can really build something that really worth it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hjarnar Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 Well man none of us can really take that decision for you...but there are some things you need to realise: 1) Your job and career is what you will be doing for the rest of your life...if you wake up every morning to go to a job that you don't like it will sooner or later have a negative feedback on your relationship no matter how good you are getting along right now 2) All relationships start as a big firework but eventually they turn into a ''habbit'' when the excitement is depleted (the excitment WILL go but you will still have to wake up and go to your job) 3) I feel from an outside point of you that it is more unfair to you if she is putting this dilemma... 4) I feel it's more unfair if the reason she doesn't want you to join the military is an ideology that say armies are bad cause they kill people <-- it s not that joining will really affect her lifestyle in any way 5) If somebody cares about someone else he/she should be in a position to understand what makes their partner happy and respect and support any decision especially if that decision doesn't have a real effect on him/her (it's not like she will have to live in iraq cause you joined the army right?) follow your dream...if she wants to leave you you will be down for a short amount of time but you WILL bounce back...lots of girls out there... if you do something else that you don't really enjoy you will end up leaving her eventually.. if she stays then you can really build something that really worth it Well, I defiantly suspect that one of the reasons she doesn't want me to go is because of the dangers that the career involves. She also dated this one guy in Oman once, he was a soldier and one of the first things he told her was that he had killed 17 people. She was so affraid of him, and she doesn't want to be affraid of me or even think that I might have shot someone. And A1C Oui, I have tried, but she always comes with one comeback that I cannot fight back; it still happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MAJ.Kaossilator=US= Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 As Prowler said, no one can ever say what the correct decision is for someone else. All anyone else can do is give a bit of their own experience and opinions and hope that it helps illuminate your situation even a little bit. I have typically lived by the idea that in a truly loving relationship, one should never make a decision or take an action that will lead them to resent their partner. It may seem like no problem at first, and it may be something that really isn't a big deal. But it sets a precedent, it makes it easier to "just give in rather than fight" more often than not, and will cause any relationship to eat itself from the inside out in the long term. The challenge becomes discerning places where a decision leads to resentment, and where it's just coming to a compromise in a healthy way. If you love someone, that means yes, you should sacrifice for them and be ready to help them to achieve their dreams, sometimes at the expense of your own. However, the hardest part is finding that line between reasonable sacrifice out of love, and simply giving of yourself until there's nothing left. Self-respect demands that you prioritize your own thoughts on an equal line with your partners. Neither should take precedence over the other. That's not to say you should never follow someone else because they get an amazing opportunity, or if they find something that makes them happy. But there must be a healthy balance that avoids one person always following, or always giving in. One of the most difficult things is finding a way to respect yourself, your own dreams, and your own opinions, while balancing that against the dreams and opinions of someone whom you truly love and enjoy being with (presumably reciprocated). The natural pitfall is to turn it into a scoreboard, and end up saying things like, "Well, I left my dream job for you, now it's your turn to leave your dream job for this thing that I started doing." Just a few thoughts. Hopefully they help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hjarnar Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 Thank you 1st Leutenant, Petty Officer 2nd grade and Airman First Class for the advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ManDown Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 I am not sure if you are still looking for advice, or if I would be qualified to give it, and I don't know anything about the Danish military itself. I do have 11 years active and another four in the reserves for the U.S. Army, so I will give you my take on the military in general for what it's worth. I joined the Army 2 weeks after high school graduation and became a Combat Engineer at Ft Bragg N.C. for 3 years. In that time I graduated form the jungle warfare school in Panama, made 32 "night" jumps (my eyes were closed!), blown up 3 bridges, built 3 bridges (yes, the same ones), and filled more sand bags than I can to remember. I did 4 years in the reserves while I was in college and grad school. I was a drill sergeant, construction engineer, and apparently slotted as a Military policeman for a month. I did 3 weeks of hurricane relief work, chopping trees down with chainsaws for 12-18 hours a day and sleeping in a high school gym at night, along with more paperwork than I ever thought possible, and been called a baby killer during a class discussion. I then rejoined active duty and joined the bomb squad about 7 years ago. I've spent a year living in Seoul, South Korea, did 15 months in Iraq, 12 months in Afghanistan, and shuffled around the eastern half of the U.S. half a dozen times. I've been blown up, shot at by the enemy, shot at by friendlies, worked with people from a dozen different countries, and seen and done things I'd never care to think about again (both good and bad). I'm currently being medically retired because my brain is melting (that's the technical term I made up for it) and I can honestly say that knowing what I know today, I would definitely do it again (at least the big decisions!). I met a lot of girls a week or two before being relocated across the country or world, I've missed a lot of time with my family, especially holidays, and "gave up" my freedom for a long time. But, when I go home and see what the guys I went to high school with are doing, still in our hometown, living a mile away from the folks, and getting fat, drunk, and stupider, I know I made the right choice. I'll never wonder if I could have made it as a Soldier, and I have enough stories, and medals, to drink for free for many years to come. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hjarnar Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 Sergeant Mandown, I solute you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MadButcher Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 I am not the most qualified person to talk about relationships but I do have a bit of advice on this. I have learned that if someone truly loves you then they will be willing to make a few sacrifices to help you along in your life and they are general very axcepting of a person. I have also learned that if someone can not axcept what you are then things may become sticky. I spent 5 years doing everything in my power to get a girl to love me. She has sense left, but along the way I learned that you must be yourself and the other person will either be axcepting of it or reject it. The true point of loving comes not in the beginning but after the lust has died down. I found that loving someone means you are willing to agree to disagree sometimes but talking about these things can help you understand your partner. I can not tell you whether to stay or go, in the end it is your chioce and you should ask yourself and your partner what you want from this life and discuss these things with each other to descide the best course of action. Think on things and dont rush in the end you will find the chioce that is right for you. Best of luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Sagilevy Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 hjarnar I am going to join the military soon too and I just wanted to tell you a few facts: first the enemy u fight kills more civilians then u and your army and all of the west armys combined and if the military wasn't there the amount of death and crimes would have been way higher. i can tell u from living next to the extremist arabs and from what i learned about their life style and culture that they will kill their on family members for doing something that dishonors the family even small things like going out with some one the father didn't approve(and i am in no way saying that all arabs are a like or evil most of them are ok but the fanatic religious ppl that guides their nations keeps them from been heard).it might seem crazy to you that they would do that and that armed soldiers can keep civilians alive but at least from what happens in Israel soldier rescue civilians from the arab side from unfair punishment by there ppl almost every day, and don't forget that if the enemy choose to fight from inside his own civilian homes and schools he would not think twice before taking arm against his own mans and woman's another thing i can say that going to the military is something that at least from what my father likes to say "make u the guy that can take responsibility for his actions and mistakes and overcome problems and hard times in his life". i know how u fell about it i want to serve in the military ever since i was young two but u got to understand that it could get very dangers so think if u are willing to take the risk before u go at it and another thing i think she is more afraid that something will happen to you then she is afraid that you will kill civilians so you should just sit with her and explain to her but with all of that said its up to you to think whats good for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hjarnar Posted October 23, 2012 Share Posted October 23, 2012 Thanks Staff Sergeant MadButcher and PO3 Sagi. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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